Jimmy and I had a discussion tonight about the possibility of me getting braces in the near future. I have already had braces. They were on for 8 months while I was in the 5th grade: only 4 braces on my top 4 front teeth, and headgear at night. Jimmy informed me that headgear now does not exist, which makes the fact that I had to wear it and the pictures taken of me in it on Christmas morning even worse. Add to that that I had acne and the fashion trend was shifting from straight-legged jeans and your favorite Winnie the Pooh clothing item of choice to flares and white eyeliner, a trend which I did not catch onto for about 2 more years.
Since then, my teeth have shifted back quite a bit and it would be nice to have my teeth perfected at some point. Now, at 23 years old I am not sure exactly how this situation would play out. Braces automatically make life more awkward. I would fit in with my new crowd at the mall wearing Skechers Shape-Ups, counting their quarters to see if they have enough money for the life size Edward cardboard cut-out, and planning to see any movie that comes out in 3D as if 3D wasn't invented 50 years ago. It would be like permanently living in the dream where you go to school and realize you forgot to wear clothes. I'm afraid that Looney Tunes bedtime shirts would start to look appealing. Then I'd carry a cat around in my purse and constantly tell it to be quiet. I'd forget that my mom gave me permission 12 years ago to shave my legs.
I would feel like I'd have to explain myself to everyone I come in contact with: "Hey, I have braces! Wow, they are going to be on for for-ev-er! But not really, the time will totally fly by. Then it's perfect teeth time! I mean, who wants nasty stains on their teeth when they're removed? So I clean them all the time. I feel like that's all I do--clean my braces! My br-a-ces! BRACES! I wish I had Invisalign, but I'd have to sell my arm to afford it. Literally! Could you imagine? I'll text you later about my braces."
We'll see what actually happens if or when braces are put on my teeth, but if I start high-fiving everyone thinking that will somehow make up for the awkwardness bursting out of my pores, I'll need to be shaken back to reality.
21 comments:
Mallory. If anyone can pull of braces it most definitely is you. I miss you!!
uhh..... you basically nailed the last two decades on the head. Hilarious.
let's go back in time together and hold hands.
I know what you mean, I really want braces again too. The clear ones aren't THAT bad. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
You will look hot and everyone will want to be your friend. I think you should totally do it!
Man, you need to get away from that dentist husband! I'm sure your teeth are fab. I'm anti-braces, mainly because I never had any ;)
...but if you become that awkward, I'll be even more proud to be your friend.
Although I have never experienced braces, I can relate to the Winnie the pooh shirts and white eyeliner...ugh!
If it makes you feel better, I work with a middle aged guy in my stake who has braces. I have never witnessed him be publically mocked!
OH man. I feel you. Remember how I had braces when I was an adult and had Ashlyn?! Yeah, you feel like a teenager but then you block those memories quickly after they come off. Good luck. I'm rooting for you! :)
I had braces in the 2nd grade. I don't know what my parents and dentist were thinking. Let's get braces together and walk around the block in our sketchers. It would be a good time.
As someone who works in an orthodontic office, I say GO FOR IT! Almost half of the patients in the practice where I work are adults. And all of them feel like they're the only ones. You nailed it with the whole "I feel the need to explain to you that I have braces because I'm probably the only person over 13 in the state of Ohio that has them" thing. But what all you adult ortho patients don't realize is that there was another adult with braces sitting in that chair right before you, and there's another one two seats over... and you are definitely not alone! Oh and don't do invisalign, it sucks. SUCKS. Takes way longer and is a HUGE pain and doesn't do nearly as good a job at straightening your teeth and will do NOTHING to fix your bite. Don't listen to all those invisalign advertisements, it is NOT as good.
Okay I am getting off my orthodontic soap box now.
P.S. Wear your retainer!! ;)
P.P.S. Seriously though. Wear it.
a few things: a girl in my seminary class last year wore shape ups and it made the whole class feel uncomfortable. braces are bad enough, but the rubber band things made me feel like talking about pokemon
Oooh the awkwardness. That might make braces totally worth it. I revel in those kinds of moments. Just think the next 18 months of "braces" could be an awkward moment. It might make the best story ever. And then you could write a book. Your life is coming together right here. I would buy 28 copies just so I could read it 28 times and not feel bad. Are you feeling okay about this?
DO IT! and take lots of pictures and embrace the braces! and your descriptions of what we all experienced known as the 90's, AWESOME!
I know I'm being a nerd saying this, but it sounds like your ortho did phase one and just never got you back in for phase two. A lot of kids get partial braces in second grade, take them off for a few years, then get them again when all the permanent teeth are in. That's dumb your ortho didn't follow up and make sure you finished. Anyway, it will be great, whenever you do it. You'll be so glad you did!! And if you came to New York I would totally put your braces on. ;) What more would you want to do in NYC than that?! ;) Seriously you should come though! No braces required.
Hey Mallory! I'm glad you find me! Your blog is seriously hilarious. I'm so excited to add it to my blog repertoire. I've needed a little extra spice. :)
I've considered the same thing for a while. But I'm broke and lazy and mostly broke. And then I go to church and meet too many people without teeth and think, thank the heavens for any teeth at all.
Idea. You can start sporting the "mom bangs" we had last year. And the mom jeans.....OH! and a fanny pack. Then you won't feel like a teenager. Because the bangs, jeans, and fanny pack will make you look OLDER. Counter-balance the braces. Maybe throw in a pair of orthopedic tenni-shoes. White ones. There is NO WAY someone will mistake you for being a teenager. Yes. That will be perfect. I have the best ideas.
Angie is right, invisalign does suck! I've been thinking about throwing braces on again too while I'm working for an ortho, let's do it together!
I never had braces, but I always wanted a retainer for some reason. So I would stick chewy candy, such as Now and Laters, or Starbursts, to the roof of my mouth and talk with a lisp. Cool, right? Maybe that's part of the reason I've had so many cavities and 2 root canals...
By the way, I've never seen another blog that gets so many comments as your's. Bravo. :)
P.S. Rex and I joined blogs. Our new address is: rexandmolly.blogspot.com
BRACES! My worst fear!
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