Knowledge is Power

Youth of America,

I'll give you a free case of beer if you sit down for a moment and listen to me. OK, is everybody looking up here? Can you all see me? There are some extra chairs here up front for those of you standing in the back. Alright, we're all settled now. This will only take a second.

Now, if you reach under your chairs you'll see I've given each of you a copy of a dictionary. All I ask of you is that you go home, study it, and learn a new word each day that you could use in an everyday setting. Look at how thick this dictionary is! We have so many words to choose from! How wonderful!

So, I ask: Why is it, when we can use any of these words, that the F word is so frequently your word of choice?

In our language, we have a group of words deemed as "swear words". The F word is the Grand High Witch: the "F Bomb", the most vulgar of them all, the most vile, the word that would taste like formaldehyde if it had a taste.

At what point was it decided by this generation that saying this word in nearly every sentence would be "cool"? Most of the time I hear it being used while I'm out and about, it doesn't even make sense. Your cell phone, best friend, the rain, his outfit, her laugh, that bug, this cashier, the mall, that city, her hair etc. are not the F word. I must have missed the F word transitioning from being a dramatic expression to replacing the word "the".

Fun Fact: when you say the F word, you sound trashy and completely unintelligent. I have no reason to assume otherwise when you choose to walk around spouting out such profanity. When you have an entire language to choose from, pick another word. Any word. Then work your way up to using long words, fun words, short words, words with silent "gh" sounds and other bizarre rules of the English language. Learn! Read! Spell words correctly!

I lied about giving you the beer.
Go ice skating, play games, talk with friends, or try something new tonight instead of getting plastered.