From the mission

Dustin recently sent home hundreds of pictures and videos from his mission. There are so many good things, especially the several videos of missionaries performing their best moon walking for him.

In this video, he and his companion are playing Jenga with some members of the Church, including the cute old Slovakian man in the video. I couldn't help but laugh throughout it.

BSB

My dearest sister Abby attended the Backstreet Boys concert with 2 of her good friends a couple of weeks ago in Salt Lake City. You didn't know they were on tour or had brand new music? Well, then you must not be a devoted fan. Apparently the concert was packed full of screaming girls. She attended for the pure entertainment value. The following is the list of text messages I received from her that evening:

(After recieving a video message with girls screaming so loud I could not hear if there was singing or not)

-I can't hear anything either. It was the moment they appeared. They weren't singing. I'm in another dimension.

-AJ just slapped his own crotch.

-One of their songs starts off with--Shorty ain't got cable.

-I would pay seventy trillion billion dollars for you to be here.

-AJ just did pelvic thrusts at the top of the stairs for a good four minutes.

-...in plaid pants. I may have been the only one who noticed. Oh and this girl across the aisle is acting like Jesus is on stage.

-My eyes popped out of my head and are crawling up the aisles

-Brian just got a running start and jumped off a ten foot ledge.

It's safe to say that these texts made my month.

Happy Birthday, Grandma!

Today is my Grandma Spendlove's birthday! I am so blessed to be one of her and Grandpa Spendlove's grandchildren. She is one of the most special women I know.

Grandma, these are a few of many things I love about you:

-you make the best homemade fudge, rolls, and brownies
-your wonderful sense of humor
-that you can be a little sassy
-you always love being with your children and grandchildren
-your firm and inspiring testimony of the Gospel
-you are strong and keep an eternal perspective

I love this picture of Grandma and me. It was taken in August 2009 at a girls lunch. She grabbed some of my hair and pulled it over because she said she wanted some of mine.

I love you, Grandma!

There are so many myths about the abdominal muscles; I'm happy to put this one to rest.

Welcome to the first team blog post by me and Connor, who is here with me now. My mom and Connor were able to visit Jimmy and I this week and it was great. Here are the highlights. Each sentence is a combined effort on our parts. Double your pleasure, double your fun.

Wednesday night, after a full day of religious tourism in Kirtland, we were more than ready to sit down in our hotel and watch So You Think You Can Dance. To our dismay, a power surge took away our beloved tv. After a few tears and a little nausea, Connor remembered his notebook and pen in his backpack. With Jimmy fast asleep at 8:00, us two and our mother decided to play a game of Sketch That! This game was created by Mallory's friends in high school, where one person gives a random sketching assignment to someone else, and in about 10-30 seconds, depending on the assignment, they are to draw it to the best of their ability. Our mom's first attempt at this game was beyond hilarious. Here are the gems.

Mallory assigned to Connor: Merman Voldemort

Mom assigned to Connor: Warren Jeffs jump roping with 2 of his wives

Connor assigned to Mallory: Ghandi punching a man

Connor assigned to Mom: the Loch Ness monster pulling the fire alarm

Mallory assigned to Mom: Barney farting

(Note: she gave him eyelashes because, "he is purple and gay.")

Now, for the grand prize winner.

Mallory assigned Mom: 2 lions sitting down to tea

Now, if you think this looks like a broccoli or tree with a girl, you are correct. Her sincere efforts to draw lions turned out like this.

Then: get this, right? Thursday morning we left our hotel and spent the day in Cleveland. After only 5 minutes on the road that night on our way back to Columbus, we ran out of gas. Earlier that day, we spent some time at Lake Erie, where Jimmy and Connor were trying to hit the seagulls with rocks. We had thought this was a bad idea. This turned out to be true when we found ourselves stranded on the side of the highway in the dark, and a flock of seagulls strolled out of the woods. One of them, apparently the leader, put up one of its wings and said, "Halt." The AAA man that had come to fill up our gas tank, ran off into the woods frightened. The seagulls' leader walked over to the gas can, picked it up, and drank it. He pulled a lighter out of somewhere in his feathers, lit it, and sprayed the gas from his mouth into the flame. What a sight. We all stood in shock, not knowing whether to hide, applaud, laugh, or run away. The seagulls seemed to sense this, and all ran under our car, spread their wings and began to fly. Their combined strength lifted our car off of the ground, and into the sky. We could tell from our position on the highway, that they were headed back to Lake Erie. Somehow, in our shock, we walked all the way home to Columbus in a daze, not realizing what we had done. Once home, we found our car safely back in our garage. Though this may seem like a happy ending, the feather Connor found on his pillow inside makes us think this story is not over yet.

What a trip!

1 down

and 3 more to go! Earlier this afternoon Jimmy finished his last final of his first year of dental school. He has worked so incredibly hard this year studying, studying and studying. I am very proud of him.


This is right after he got home today. Look at those puffy eyes! That is what studying all night multiple times in a week does to you.

Lack of sleep also makes you a little like this. He is holding his typodont, the teeth he practiced with making gold crowns this quarter. He will be a dentist before we know it.

Me and Mr. C

I spend many hours alone each day. Naturally, I gave my chapstick a face.

He had a top hat and a mouth, but they fell off. Yes, that means I did make them out of paper. The half mouth you see is actually what is left of his mustache.

There are two things I always have with me: my chapstick and a water bottle. Seeing as the chapstick is the one of the only things I see during the day with a face, conversations come up. I'm foreseeing some other uses for him and don't think it will be long before I venture out to my balcony to pull a few pranks on my neighbors.

I can't wait.

Birds

Since the beginning of springtime, I think nature is trying to tell me something. Possibly a love confession. I have definitely reciprocated this as I have never felt more love for birds in my entire life as this past month.
About a month ago, I was travelling on some freeway, mid-day, and I saw a white owl glide right over my car.
Magic.
What is this owl doing up at such an hour? He's supposed to be sleeping. There was a connection between us, I think I teared up, and nodded my head in understanding.

Every single day since then as I walk to our apartment complex's club house, I see this bird flying over me. His feet are straight back behind him. I have no idea what kind it is, but it's new to me and so I am enchanted.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was driving along by myself and have never been happier to slam on my brakes. I immediately teared up and cried out, "Look! Look at 'em!" Both the father and the mother geese with their new babies. I've never wanted to scoop up anything in my arms more than I did at this moment.

In addition to these sightings, I have seen several baby bunnies, squirrels, and ducklings. Spring is here.

There are a few possibilities as to what my mission is here.

1. Man up and approach one of these birds face-to-face. Ask him what is happening and tell him that I am ready.

2. Take the sneaky approach and rope one of these birds from behind a bush. Take charge.

3. Face the inevitable and accomplish the most desirable vision I have:

Followed by a victory nap. Two thumbs up.

Attention, everyone!

If Adrienne had been a boy, we would have married long ago.

All English-speaking humans, please visit her latest blog post here. I promise you that it is more important than anything you could possibly be doing right now. It will help solve an all too common punctuation problem that is making me rip my hair out.

All my love,
Punctuation Cop Mallory

H

H is for Hell, Hitler, and Humidity.

My body has been a little shocked by this bully named Humidity. It's putting up its fists and saying, "No, no. This won't do." I've enjoyed my life thus far as a non-sweaty person, soaking up the blazing hot sun and dry heat Utah has to offer. Ohio humidity has decided to smack me around for a little while, chaw on its gum, turn to its friends and point at me to say, "Look at this guy! Gimme a break!"

Applying deoderant 50 times a day and pushing around my shopping cart with my elbows up so my arms are at 90 degree angles is not helping. It's only 65 degrees outside but the little Humidity Elves are jumping around my ankles spritzing me with their waterbottles. I am disgusting.

I hope I get used to this, because it's only May and I know that the late summer will bring the intense heat and humidity that will really be a test.

In my dreams

....I am this cool.

Her voice is my new favorite.

DDS Idol

Friday evening Jimmy and I attended DDS Idol. Yes, the OSU Dental School holds its own version of American Idol each year. The performers are dental students who have taken familiar songs and changed the lyrics to be about any and all things dental. The concept of this was and is so funny to us, and we were actually impressed with the creativity and effort so many of these guys put into their songs.

The winner of the contest was a D4 who had performed each year in the character of a used car salesman who was "not in dental school, but just liked making up songs about teeth." He performed a second song with one of the other contestants. Here is a clip of that:

In case you could not understand the words, they are singing, "You've gotta fight! For your right! To drill teeth!"

Some of the humor in the songs was over my head, not being familiar with the professors or all of the dental terms, but just hearing how hard Jimmy was laughing made me laugh, too. A couple of the other highlights included one of Jimmy's D1 classmates drinking an entire bottle of Listerine on stage (it was probably blue Gatorade in the bottle), and several of Jimmy's classmates dressed like Beyonce from the All the Single Ladies video, performed the entire dance a little too well, and sang, "If you liked it then you shoulda put fluoride on it." We'll definitely be going back next year.

Comfort

The next purchase Jimmy and I will make is a VCR along with some blank VHS tapes. This is so we can record Boy Meets World, which to my pure elation is now airing on tv again at 7:00 AM Monday through Friday. I think it's safe to say that technology has peaked for us, and any cell phone or ipod inventions made in the past couple years or any that will be made in the future will probably be ignored by us. One of our favorite jokes lately is to wonder if this new ipad is also used as a phone and then act out and picture what it would be like to hold a laptop-sized phone up to our ear to talk. It hasn't gotten old yet.

I feel that I am not alone in being comfortable with what works for me. Many of our parents and grandparents are not technologically savvy, probably because they use what works for them, and don't mind. I've accepted that I will probably frustrate my children, refusing to understand what wildly advanced technology exists then:

Future child, year 2030: "Mom, it's so simple. All you need to do is think about the gigabytes, flex every muscle in your body, and as you jump, you will switch dimensions. Then we can finally all live in the future together."
Me: "Huh? I told you not to bother me while I watch my shows."
Future child: "Just press this large red button. "
Me: "Zzzzzzzzzzzz...."

My children are going to grow up watching Boy Meets World and playing outside every summer all day until they pass out. Here is a great clip from this wonderful show. I can think of only a few things that make me happier than Cory Matthews.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy Birthday today to the most beautiful woman that I know.

I love you, Mom!

The best kind of ship is friendship

Over the weekend Katherine and Taurean came to visit from Louisville. Katherine stayed a couple extra days and it was a joy. Sweet Katherine was extra sly. While here, she was often crocheting and one night she was making a few random pieces that didn't seem to be anything. I asked her what she was making and she said, "Oh, I don't know." We came home from picking up Jimmy from school one night to find this: Jimmy and I have collected several "toys" over the past few years and call them our kids. They share a nice home on top of our dvd player and are all now proudly wearing their new clothes made for them by Auntie Katherine. It was the funniest sight to find.

This little hat is my personal favorite.

P got a hoodie.

At one point Katherine asked what gender the Santa Cat was and we told her it was a hermaphrodite. So it got a headband.

We also set up an Easter egg hunt for Jimmy and Taurean Easter morning and it was great watching them race around with their baskets.

Jimmy got a little too excited and said he wanted to illustrate the awesome scientific principle of centrifugal force by swinging around his easter basket filled with eggs. Then this happened:

Bad Jimmy picking up his mess.

I was talking to Jimmy Buffett the other morning about trans fat

Ooo-k. OK. Alright.

I haven't publicly expressed my feelings in a while about some behaviors at church, and I feel this strong vibe that anyone reading this wants to hear more.

Disclaimer: I have a lot of love and am sincerely glad when people, including who I'm about to talk about, come faithfully to church.

There is this family at church. You know, that family. Every ward seems to have one to some extent. This particular family sits up front in Sacrament Meeting and makes such a scene walking into church each week. Hahaha! Oh man, do they ever. It's so ridiculous.
Doo dee doo, kids screaming, grabbing kids arms, no we're sitting in this pew, blaaah where's my toy.
Their kids are constantly trying to escape. They all have Barbies that they have walk all over the church pews--constant Barbie heads and bodies bouncing above the pew. Even with their 4 young kids (I think?) they take up a whole pew to make room for the playtime. Last week the oldest girl had this huge plastic car she was rolling all over the grandpa while making car noises, then she tried shoving the car up her dress. Their kids are often successful in escaping because, of course, the parents wait until the kid is actually in danger and not just impressively distracting until they get up and do something. Their violent screaming isn't enough to pick them up and walk out of the room. The husband will waltz over, lift the kid up, who is screaming, over his shoulder and waltz back to his seat. We came into church on Sunday and were about to take the pew directly behind this family, stopped when we realized what we almost did, and chose the pew on the side instead.

Jimmy and my mid-meeting conversation (whispered, of course):
Jimmy: "So, I've noticed lately that the mother (who is quite large) drops toys down her shirt and their baby digs down and finds them."
Me: "Whhhaaaatt...uuugh...I'm so disgusted(suppressed church laughter). Why didn't you tell me this before?"
Jimmy: "I was waiting for the right time to tell you."

So, in conclusion, don't act like this family. Too bad there's not much that can be done to make them stop.

Now, I know I'm not a mother, but I'm very confident in saying that if your child is screaming or crying loudly for more than, let's say, 5 seconds, TAKE THEM OUT OF THE ROOM. Better yet, have the HUSBAND take them out of the room. Why? You're ruining the meeting for everyone else.

*Bonus: Name the movie the blog post title is from, who said it and when, and you'll get a treat.